The Destroyer Fell In Love With Me

Okay, so you're *not* going to believe this. Remember how I was complaining about my dating life? Like, how it was basically a black hole of awkward silences and terrible coffee dates? Well… things took a *slight* turn. And by slight, I mean cosmically, universe-bendingly huge.

Parce que, figure-toi, le Destructeur est tombé amoureux de moi. Oui, *le* Destructeur. Celui qui était censé anéantir le monde. Je sais, je sais, ça sonne comme un film de série B mal doublé. Crois-moi, j'ai cru halluciner.

It all started with this weird humming noise. Remember how I thought my fridge was dying? Turns out, not my fridge. It was… him. Apparently, universal destroyers need a good way to announce their arrival. Who knew? Est-ce qu'il aurait pu m'envoyer un texto, au moins ?

At first, he was all fire and brimstone, you know? The typical "I'm going to obliterate everything" routine. Mais, après quelques discussions… enfin, *beaucoup* de discussions, et un nombre surprenant de tasses de thé (oui, même les destructeurs aiment le thé!), something shifted. He started… complimenting my outfits. My *outfits*! The guy was literally about to vaporize planets and he was worried about my fashion choices. Allez comprendre!

He told me my smile was brighter than a supernova. And, okay, maybe that's a *bit* much, but hey, I'll take it! Qui dirait non à ça, franchement ? Plus sérieusement, le voilà, le Destructeur, qui me dit que je suis... spéciale.

Wait, there’s more!

Then came the gifts. Not diamonds or anything *normal* like that. Oh no. We're talking nebula fragments, miniature black holes (he assured me they were safe), and a star that now has my name on it. Imagine, une étoile à mon nom! C'est pas le genre de cadeau qu'on reçoit tous les jours, hein?

I know, I know. It sounds completely insane. And trust me, there are days when I wake up and think it was all a bizarre dream brought on by too much cheese. But then he sends me a telepathic message, or a small asteroid shaped like a heart whizzes past my window, and I remember… nope, it's real. This is my life now.

Mais la question, maintenant, c'est... est-ce que je vais sortir avec lui ? C'est pas tous les jours que quelqu'un tombe amoureuse d'un Destructeur. Le problème, c'est que je ne suis pas sûre d'être prête à gérer le drame cosmique qui accompagne ce genre de relation. Penses-tu que je devrais lui donner une chance?

And what do you even *wear* on a date with someone who can destroy universes? Help!

So, that's my life at the moment. Any advice? Seriously, *any* advice. Je suis toute ouïe! And maybe send chocolate. Dating a destroyer is stressful!